Do these people not realise we are in a recession?!?!?!?

So with the church being the only substantial decision to have been made so far, it is decided that I should attend some wedding fayre's.

I wake up on the first Sunday morning of wedding fayre season, bright eyed and bushy tailed. It was only 18months ago that I attended wedding fayre's with Toni when she was getting married and they were BRILLIANT! All that cake to be tasted, all the lovely Champagne freely flowing. Who care's if there is anything else there to be fair....what more than cake and champagne does a girl need?! EXACTLY...nothing!!!
I CANNOT WAIT!! I love cake. I love champagne. Surely thats half the battle with these things!
My first mistake was driving to the fayre....I mean I can be a bit scatty, but a drink driver I am not. So fueled with the knowledge that there will be a conciderable lack of champers lining my stomach, this only ment more room for cake-right?! Like any die hard cake fan, it is the first (only) thing my eyes scan for upon entering the venue. "So who's hidden the cake, people?!?!?" Sulking (I sulk a lot!!), I trudge half hartedly around the room. No champagne, no cake, no point!
20mins later I decide to go home.

Lesson learnt, Kelly no longer drives to wedding fayre's!

So wedding fayre take two. Mum's driving...good start. Champers here I come!! We are doing three fayre's today so I am MORE than excited about giving this wedding fayre freebie thing another bash!
W.F number 1-Champagne that happens to be pink!!! EXCELLENT, EXCELLENT start!! Full marks to this place, infact I may even concider this venue for my actual wedding. I mean they CLEARLY have their priorities in order!! For some reason I feel much more attentive at this fayre than last weeks attempt, so I dont even fake interest whilst looking at the stalls....I AM interested...and vocal?!?! "Wow yes your balloon features are simply magnificent" ( I HATE balloon features...balloons, in my opinion, belong at childrens parties and other such like events...they CERTAINLY have no place on my wedding tables!!) "Oooo, yes, I could think about changing my entire colour scheme for that equisite lurid green bridesmaid dress" (I dont need to embellish why this is sooo wrong do I!!). In short, I am waffeling with the best of them! And this fantastic mood I appear to be in, is not only fueled by the wonderful pink champagne, but also the DELIGHTFUL display of TWO cake stalls in the corner!! ACE!
Oooo look at that small child walking past me with an enormous muffin in his mouth which he recieved from that wonderfully talented women on the muffin stand!!! I can feel my mouth salavating in anticipation for the cake frenzie that will shortly be occuring.
I finally reach cake heaven corner, and spend 25minites charming the woman responsable for the masterpieces infront of me (Oh im in for such a big peice of this cake, she CLEARLY loves me!). "Ok Kelly well it was great to meet you. Goodbye"............GOODBYE? GOOD? BYE?...WHERES MY DAMN CAKE? Fine then. Dont give me any of your poxy cake, ill go to the muffin lady and she'll give me a muffin, we'll laugh, we'll talk and you'll SOOOO be jealous when she gets my cake order!! ( Ok the muffin lady, technically, wont get my order as I DONT want muffins-but cake lady will never know). I walk over. I stop, smile sweetly at the muffin lady and....nothing. No "hello", no "here take a cake or two", nothing!! Come on Mother, we are leaving.
W.F number 2-Champagne arrival. Why thank you I need this after the rude rude women at W.F num1. Look around. No damn cake....what is going on with these people? Ok ok, they have a chocolate fountain that will have to do!! Anna (my daughter, who was also attending the fayre's with us) frog marched straight to the chocolate fountain (she's her mothers daughter!!). Two mini dounuts, a piece of fudge, a strawberry, and a grape later we are greeted with the demand "£2.50". No not from my daughter (who is 11 and going through an extreamly opinionated phase, so barking demands is not uncommon from her...infact thats probably her most polite way of communication these days!), but from the chocolate fountain lady. "£2.50? urm ok" was the responce she got in return. Well I mean the thing was damn near digested already, so I couldnt exclaim my horror and tell her to shove her chocolate fountain kebab. Now is it just me, but this woman wants me to pay £350 for the hire of this fountain for a measly two hours for my wedding and she begrudges my offspring so much as a taster of it in goodwill. Well, guess who's not getting my buisness! After a quick look around and a wonderful makeover where my skintone was changed dramatically to a good 15 shades darker, we decided to leave.
W.F number 3-Champagne, bla bla bla...where's the cake? Ah-ha!! I found you!!! Coupled with the fact this woman was a genius (I mean the woman makes cake for a living...helloooo...genius!!!) she also had prime position of being front and center to the entrance of the venue...I like her already! So whilst mum talks to her about cookie place settings (One word mum...no!) me and Anna expertly elbow several women away from the taster box, and proceed to taste test all 3 flavours. Twice. Well its an expensive cake, you have to be sure right?!
With our tastebuds satisfied we move around the rest of the venue and hit upon my second favorite wedding related stall...Photographer. He was fantastic and as my mum informed him, the mere fact I stopped at his stall ment only good things (I dont think of myself as a photography expert, but I am very picky. I mean 'Reservoir dogs' poses for the men...hellooooo what year is this please?!?!?) So all in all a good end to the day. Potential photographer and a belly of chamagne and cake!! Winner.

Fast forwards two weeks and I decide to brave another fayre. By chance actaully. We were interested in the venue and upon phoning to arrainge a viewing they informed us of the fayre. This time its me, the other half and my son, Ben (who was in a bad bad mood so coupled with me driving=no champagne, I wasnt holding out much hope). True to form Ben was crying throughout, Matt (other half) was less than no help when discussing idea's with stall holders (honestly, they want to know what you are doing wedding wise as its "their day too" but when it comes to actual real life people, even perfect strangers, they act all matcho, grunt a bit and proclaim to have been "dragged here" and crack out that one liner sure to equal in divorce long before theres a marriage "I dont know what your bloody planning do I?"). So as you can imagine its not going well!! Til we embark on the cake stall (savior...she has a taster box....someone give these men folk some cake and see if either of them perk up a bit). Cake devoured I find myself genuinly interested in this womans cake. As in to purchace, not just eat! She has some beautiful designs and seems very reasonably priced. So I enquire about visiting her shop (she works from home), I ask about an online gallery (doesnt have one), but she assures me she can come to our home, portfolio in hand and ill get some pictures from my (many) wedding magazines and we can discuss designing my bespoke wedding cake. And then once we have designed, quite frankly, the most important part of my day I just need to give her a £200 deposit to hold the day...............(pause)...........£200? To hold the day? All she has to do is make the damn thing. Its a fruit cake....she's starting it in November....we get married in April??? Whats to hold? Im only paying £250 to hold my reception venue day, and that is costing me a conciderable amount more than the £300 the cake is costing.

Hanging my head in exhaustion I leave not knowing if im cut out for this wedding malarky.
Needless to say the rest of this wedding is getting planned online. That way I dont have to hide my shocked face when someone wants yat another enormous deposit for something that I wont be seeing for another year!!